hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
