I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Found your dick twin last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
