you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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