If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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