My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
