I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
