I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your penis caused this!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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