I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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