like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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