I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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