I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
