it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
