Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
