she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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