i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
