you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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