I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
