You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
