Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
