wat bout pragnant strippers??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
