i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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