It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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