jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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