I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
