bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
