Yo dont text me then not text me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
