He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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