her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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