so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
