I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
