How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
