But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
