It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
