Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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