Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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