i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
