So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this just has baby written all over it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
