Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
