Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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