Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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