come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
