I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
