woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
