belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
