I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
