I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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