cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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