a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
