when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
