it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
