Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
