K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
