I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
