You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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