T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
