We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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