I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
