Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
