paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
