I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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